Jan 12th: day 6

Hit with how sick I am over the past two days. Struggled with meal plan yesterday and after just one day was already feeling as crappy as was before. Was a good reminder of rock bottom, but led to my heart to almost give out last night. So today slammed with if I leave anything behind I will automatically get an emergency tube. Thats how scared they are for me and my life. They say I am still on deaths door.

I also am not being allowed solid foods starting tomorrow because of my system. It doesn't know how to process solids anymore and due to having now been diagnosed with SMA syndrome and gastroparesis literally my stomach doesn't work and artery is choking my intestines. So if I don't do liquids I risk my stomach exploding, being rushed to a surgery they don't think I would survive and if I do survive being on a tube. So all these fears I had. All these times didn't think I was sick enough...well....clearly I am.

So learn from me. If you are struggling get help now. Let your rock bottom be not wanting to be where I am. Sitting in a hospital room instead of thriving and living. Rolling in pain after eating solids. Having to eat puddings, applesauce, and cheerios like a baby all because of your GI system. Being on constant monitors. Not able to stand longer than 10 minutes. And constantly scared you won't survive the night. Fight now. For me. For you. For life.