But this is the sick price of anorexia. IT will tell you aren't sick enough, keep you off of machines...and then out of nowhere either kill you or take you to your sick enough. To your rock bottom. And once you are then...you will be begging you hadn't waited so long. So if you are out there wondering if you should fight please do. Because I thought I wasn't sick enough till I got a tube. And now I am getting a tube and I am terrified. Beyond terrified. Scared of the rapid weight gain I think will happen even though same calories. Scared of the pain. Scared when they will take it out. Just scared.
And the last thing I am is proud. I am just saddened. This is how I celebrate my dad's b-day. Through a feeding tube. Not though a freedom food...because now ED even robbed me of that opportunity. But through a feeding tube to nourish me to the point I can eat food again. That is rock bottom...and something's gotta give. For my dad. For God. And For me.