Dec 16: Faith over Fear

Wow! God continues to amaze me every day. Today on a shift I wasn’t even suppose to work He

showed me so much. It was really dead, I felt miserable, and after 3 hours had only made 20 dollars. I felt defeated and scared. I tried to reassure myself everything would be okay, but got pulled into co-workers sense of defeat. Then…its like something went off in my head. What was I doing? I was stuck here till the end of my shift, so I might as well enjoy it. How was I living out my faith in God by being so money focused and not trusting Him. So I lifted the shift to God and got back to work.

Next thing I know I am sat a party of 10 which I make 15 dollars off of, then got slammed with tables, and at end of night ended up exceeding my goal coming in. Was it in my timing or the way I would have wanted? No. Did it involve fear? Yes. But did I push through the fear and trust God over feelings and circumstances? Yes. And what happened. He came through as always.

Why, after time and time again God comes through do I doubt His mercy and love. Not just in shifts. But in life, in school, in recovery. I doubt the Truth of His word, His goodness, His mercy for someone as undeserving as me. And yet He continues to come through.

So at end of night I said screw it. Screw fear. Screw ED. Screw living life in misery. I want to trust

Him. In the fear. In the storms. In the joy. In the sunshine. The ups, the downs, the in-between, I want to put my faith in Him. So I came home, and with the same fear that filled me every night, faced my meal plan. But this time it was different…because above the fear…I had faith. I had trust. I chose to look to Him instead of to my feelings. To put my hope in faith, instead of my doubts in fear. I chose God. I chose hope. I chose life. I chose me. And I felt peace.

I don’t know what tomorrow may bring. I don’t know if my faith will be as strong. But for right now, for today, for this moment, I praise God. I praise His mercy, His love, His faith, and the strength He so freely gives. Thank you Lord, and help me stand in your truth for the moments, days, and years to come. I want to serve You, trust You, and make You proud.

Jess